Another Side
by Second Storey Stairwell
Summary: Why couldn't you just let me pretend! As long as you didn't notice, then I would be fine. As long as you played along, we could both stay happy. Your emotions would be able to influenece mine. HikaruKaoru Alternate POV piece
1. Another Side

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of it's characters

_**

* * *

**_

**_Another Side_**

"I can't return your feelings."

_No..._

"I'm sorry."

_Why?_

"It's... Tamaki."

_I lost..._

_-.-_

_I finally got up the courage to tell her. Sure I had given obvious hints, but I finally used words. _

_I could see you watching at me. Did you have to look so worried? I'm in enough pain as it is, without having you on top of it._

_Why am I being such a bastard? You were probably thinking about how you had warned me. Probably mocking me._

_No... You would never do that. That was something I would do._

_All I needed was to put a smile on my face, and act as if it's all a joke. No one had to know how much it hurt. I would make sure no one saw my tears._

-.-

"Hika-"

"Heh, I lost to our Lord. Who would have even thought that was possible? I mean... Tamaki?" He chuckled lightly to himself, there was no amusement to be found in the sound.

"Stop!" The slightly bigger of the boys looked at the other, suprised by the outburst.

"I can't believe... that your even trying!... How could you _think_ you could fool me?"

-.-

_Why couldn't you just let me pretend?! As long as you didn't notice, then I would be fine. As long as you played along, we could both stay happy. Your emotions would be able to influenece mine._

_That night will forever be in my memory. __The way I threw you against the wall in my anger at you ruining my play. The way I gripped you wrist so hard it left bruises that I would see in the morning. Why didn't you stop me! You never said no. __Not even when I forcefully pressed my lips against yours, thrusting my tongue into your quietly yeilding mouth._

_I ripped at your clothing nipping at your neck harder than was needed, but still... Still you let me do as I wished. __I tossed you on the bed, before proceeding to remove mine and your clothing. __You whimpered quietly as I left pinch marks and scratches littered across your body, and I in all my foolishness I pretended not to notice they were sounds of pain not pleasure._

_I'm not sure when the tears started. In truth, I didn't notice them until you wiped one from my cheek. __That was the only time during the whole night I would look into your eyes. What I saw shocked me. There was no anger, disgust... Fear. __Just understanding... Complete and utter compassion and love towards me. The person dearest in your heart._

_It only served to fuel my anger more. How could you accept me? Accept what I was doing to you. __I thrust in to you brutaly, blocking out your scream. __I didn't give you time, I just kept pushing. __Your nails dug into my back, clinging to me with all your strength as you tried to keep the pain out of your voice. __I came hard and fast in you, collapsing to your chest, while sobs shook my body._

-.-

"Make it stop... please just make it stop. Make all the pain go away." He cried against the others chest, letting the warm embrace wash over him slowly, lulling him to sleep.

He waited until the boy cried himself to sleep before answering.

"I can't... For once I can't save you... Not this time." He chastly kissed the boy on the head, before snuggling closer together under the blankets, trying to draw in any and all pain the other was feeling.

-.-

_I woke up with a start, wondering where you were. We always woke together didn't we? I had completely forgotten about last night, the whole day in fact. __I wasn't until I noticed that I didn't have a stitch of clothing on, that everything came back._

_The rejection._

_The pain._

_But lastly... I remembered what I did to you. __The one person who had never left me. Who I thought would always be there. __I whipped my head around, searching for you again, hoping I had missed you in my sleepy haze, not wanting to think about you actually being __**gone**._

_I frantically searched our wardrobe and lounge before seeing you step out of the ensuite bathroom. __Forgetting -or not caring, I forget which- about my nakedness, I ran to your shocked figure standing in the doorway. __I fell to my knees before wrapping my arms around your waist, pressing my face against your skin, seeking comfort as I cried._

-.-

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." The younger of the two slumped to the ground, softly bringing the crying boy into his arms.

"It's okay, everything will be alright, I promise. I understand."

"I'm so sorry."

-.-

_I can't believe you could still look at me, I could barely look at myself. I guess that's the reason it was so hard to look at you too. __What I found most unbelieveble, most disgusting though... was that even after all my apologies, I still came back. __I still came back and used you. __Whenever I was angry, whenever I was upset. You never turned me away, you would just give me that small smile._

_God that smile scared me. __It was too serene. Too perfect . Too filled with love._

_I can freely admit that I love you, but... I was beginning to love you more than I should. __Stupid really, seeing as I had already taken your body. How could adding love to the list make what we had between us any more foul? __To be honest it scared me. __Once I had admitted I was falling more than I should, I began to seek out other partners. I hated that I needed you so much. This was my way of proving I still had control over something._

_I was selfish. I know I was._

_­_-.-

"I love you." The smaller boys eyes hardened slightly beofre softening.

"Do you?" He did not receive an answer as his companion had already fallen asleep.

"I don't think you do." He whispered quietly to the night.

-.-

_The first time you walked in on me, I was afraid. I don't think it showed, but really, I was._

_How could I not be? I saw the tears, not matter how much I told myself I didn't even look at you, so how could I have seen a them?_

_I left straight after that. I sat in a bar thinking over what had happened when I bumped into a sempai of ours, and the way he looked at me scared me._

_He sat down next to me before ordering a scotch._

-.-

"You don't deserve him."

"What are you talking about."

"Ju... Just let him go."

-.-

_He left before his drink could even arrive. I wasn't suprised really that he knew what was going on. He knew everything about you. __It always amused me that you never noticed the way he used to look at you in high school. __And you thought I was the clueless one when it came to love. __Finishing my drink I left. Hopefully I had given you enough time to pack your things and leave. I really didn't want to walk in on you half done, I knew I would stop you. Force you to stay._

_To my suprise I walked in to find you waiting for me, that same smile on your face. __There was something wrong with the picture, but that didn't stop me from jumping you. __I tore your clothes off, pushing you down into the bed as I nibbled at your body. __You had taught me over the years how to be gentle, how to make love without anger._

_As I held you in the after glow, I thought about why you were still here. Any sane person would have left. It was then it hit me. __What had been wrong with the picture. Your smile. __Though it was not out of place it was wrong. __It was as if the shine in you eyes had dimmed._

_Gods... What was I doing to you?_

_I knew you were in love with me, and I knew I was destroying you. __I didn't have the strength to tell you to leave. I am much to selfish to do something like that. __So I picked the easy way out. The cowards way. __I no longer even made an effort to hide the many people I slept with. I've lost count of the amount of times you've walked in on me in the act. __But you would always just turn around and walk out, closing the door softly behind you. __Each time you saw, I was afraid you would leave, but that's what I wanted wasn't it? But it got to a point where I just forgot that what I did was hurting you._

_You still had your smile._

-.-

"You can't be serious? What are you doing!" The angry man started pulling recently packed things out of the suitcase on the bed. A small hand grabbed his, stopping him causing him to take a few steps back.

"This is some kind of joke. You know as well as I do that you will be back in a week!"

"I may need you to be alive, but I do not need you to live." He grabbed hold of his suitcase, half expecting to hear protests that never came.

"I love you still..." He whispered before exiting the room.

-.-

_It came as a complete shock the day you left. You hadn't seen me with anyone in over a week. __You just up and left. This time I wasn't prepared. __It took me a month of waiting to realise you weren't coming back. __It took me another month of sleeping with random people every night to realise I couldn't fill the hole you left._

_And it took me five years to find you again..._

-.-

"Five years."

Kaoru turned around, to shocked and frightened to even gasp.

"You were gone for five years."

"I-I-I"

"I thought you would be back in a few days, a week at most, but five years. I looked everywhere for you. I sold our business just so I could look for you. Did you have Kyouya help you?" He blocked off the smaller mans attempts to leave.

"Why didn't you come back?" At this, Kaoru turned around angrily.

"How could you expect me to?!" He could barely look at the other man before he was pulled into a tight embrace.

"I love you."

"Don't! I won't fall for it again! I won't... not again." Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he tried to push the larger man away.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Hikaru collapsed to the ground, a sobbing Kaoru still in his arms.

"You said you couldn't be alive without me, but could live without me. I never understood, but I do now." He lifted Kaoru's chin with shaking fingers.

"I can't live without you, really can't. It's not a matter of feeling alive, I can't even find the will to breath. The only thing that kept me going was the need... the need to see you again."

"I ca... can't get hurt again... I just can't." Kaoru tried to turn his head to the side, only to be pulled in even tighter.

"I know, I know."

**

* * *

**

**A/N**

Don't hate me! I know this is the exact same ending from 'Five Years', but I thought it would help everything fit, seeing as this meant to be the same fic from Hikaru's point of view. This also a knew style of writing I am trying out (not the whole first person thingy, but the whole going from first person to third over and over again), I myself like the effect, but I would like to know what the readers thought of it. Soooo, to any of you who have read both, I would like to know which one you thought was better CX. I got the idea for this fic from a reviewer, who said I should continue my other story. They said that maybe Hikaru wasn't as bad as he seemed, and poof! I came up with this! Hope you like it.

Thank you **Thinking Out Loud**, and everyone else who reviewed 'Five Years'

**A/N**


	2. Stupid And Possesive

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the rights nor do I wish to own the rights to Ouran High School Host clubs and it's characters... Happy?

* * *

_**Stupid and Possesive**_

_I found you._

_Finally._

_After so long of looking and waiting I had found you._

-.-

"Five years."

Kaoru turned around, too shocked and frightened to even gasp.

"You were gone for five years."

"I-I-I"

-.-

_You just up and left. Without a word._

_You had always been there._

_For once I was afraid. Am still afraid._

_-.-_

"I thought you would be back in a few days, a week at most, but five years. I looked everywhere for you. I sold our business just so I could look for you. Did you have Kyouya help you?" He blocked off the smaller mans attempts to leave.

"Why didn't you come back?" At this, Kaoru turned around angrily.

-.-

_You look happy. Is it because of him?_

_I don't want to believe that..._

_-.-_

"How could you expect me to?" He could barely look at the other man before he was pulled into a tight embrace.

-.-

_It's just I love you so much. I need you._

_I don't want someone else to be the reason you smile._

_I am stupid and possesive, and didn't treat you as well as you deserved._

_This I know. This I understand._

_-.-_

"I love you."

-.-

_I don't expect imediate forgiveness._

_I'm willing to work for the rest of my life to earn back your trust._

_Even though you no longer trust me, I __**know **__you still love me._

_I can feel it..._

_-.-_

"Don't! I won't fall for it again! I won't... not again." Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he tried to push the larger man away.

-.-

_You're crying again._

_Because of me again._

_You were getting over me._

_Forgetting me._

_Maybe... I should let you?_

_-.-_

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Hikaru collapsed to the ground, a sobbing Kaoru still in his arms.

-.-

_At least I know now that you are safe._

_-.-_

"I can't live without you, really can't. It's not a matter of feeling alive, I can't even find the will to breath. The only thing that kept me going was the need... the need to see you again."

-.-

_I should stop talking._

-.-

"I ca... can't get hurt again... I just can't." Kaoru tried to turn his head to the side, only to be pulled in even tighter.

-.-

_I will let you go now._

_This as my final act shall be filled with all my love and all my sadness._

_I am setting you free._

_-.-_

"I know, I know."

Kaoru grabbed Hikaru's shirt, lowering his head upon Hikaru's shoulder.

-.-

_I need to leave now before I give in._

_Before I __**can't **__give you up._

_Soon you will say something and I will be unable to leave._

_-.-_

"I love you."

-.-

_No..._

_Do you realise you have just condemned yourself._

_How can I do the right thing now, after you have said such things?_

_-.-_

The older boys eyes softened, his mouth becoming dry.

"Is it time to go home?"

-.-

_There are so many reasons for us to be apart, and few for us to stay together._

_But that doesn't matter._

_Neither will be whole without the other._

_I will never hurt you again. Not intentionally._

_My soul is yours. Do with me as you wish._

_Just don't leave again..._

_-.-_

"Yes..."

-.-

_I am stupid and possesive, and didn't treat you as well as you deserved._

_This you know. This you understand._

_But we are meant to be._

_We are living, breathing creatures. We have hearts. We love._

_I don't want to be the good person who can't love you. I am not strong enough for that._

_-.-_

"Forever together?" The shivering boy hesitated slightly, looking into the man embracing him eyes slowly.

A small watery smile stretched across his face.

"Born together, die together."

-.-

_What will become of us?_

* * *

**A/N**

I'm not sure why, but I don't like this one very much. I kinda had to force myself to write bits of it. Can you tell? I think that Kaoru's one is much better. I do realise that I have changed, well added in more to the 3rd person bits, but I have reasons for that. Ideally I would have people read **Five Years **first, and then they would get a little extra with each bit they read. Like in the second chapter of **Five Years **I added a bit more, and since this feels to me like it is basically a 3rd chapter, I added in another little bit more. After adding on a chapter to **Five Years **I decided I needed to do the same for this. Mostly because I really wanted to write a lemon and I just didn't think it would go unless I first added in a bit of an ending to this as well CX. It may take me a week to get it up, but it will be here soon. It won't just be an out of the blue lemon. I will try my best to make it actually fit with the stories I have written so far. I have become attached to my modified characters and need at least something citrusy to boost my spirits. See you around.

**A/N**


	3. Beautiful

**Disclaimer: **I do not own, nor do I wish to own the rights to Ouran High School Host club or its characters. /Sigh

_**

* * *

**_

_**Beautiful**_

_It has been so long since I have held you in my arms. So long since I have embraced you. We are like a torn photograph that has been glued together sloppily. Forever broken, but never willing to let go. I will make tonight special. I will redo the first we never had. This time it will be filled with love._

_No sadness._

_No anger._

_Just love._

_-.-_

He sighed as Hikaru ran his lips long his jaw, licking slowly at places that once held bruises. His hands wrapped lazily around his partners back, enjoying the feeling of Hikaru's kisses.

A sigh pushed past his lips as their tongues finally met, hot and passionate, yet sweet and soft.

-.-

_I know it sounds cliché for me to be saying this, but you look beautiful in this moment. Your back arched as your head is tilting to the side to give me room._

_Beautiful._

_-.-_

He pulled and tugged insistently at Hikaru's hair, racking fingers over his scalp. Moans escaped his lips as Hikaru moved his kisses to his collarbone.

Hikaru moved his hands up Kaoru's forearms bringing them palm to palm, fingers linked together.

-.-

_It was like fireworks when our tongues finally touched. No one brings out the animal in me like you do. To be lost in you would be the best fate I can think of._

_The feel of your hands in my hair, the moans bursting forth from your mouth, all signs that you still love me. That this act still does as much to you as it does to me._

_-.-_

Kaoru pulled one of his hands free to slowly trail his nails down Hikaru's temples, brushing them lightly against his lips. The frenzied movements stopped for a moment, eyes locked together. Their irregular breathing somehow timed perfectly together, making a harmony.

Hikaru looked down into the eyes he himself had broke, and watched as they came alive. A smile finally shone through once again.

-.-

_It is scary how perfectly your body fits into mine. Like the coming together of a jigsaw puzzle. Your hands have always been the smaller of ours, but that just makes them feel of them moulded with mine better._

_Do you have any idea just how much I love you? Any?_

_Maybe you do though._

_Maybe you love me just as much._

_I can only hope..._

_-.-_

Just as quick as the moment began, it ended, leading way to even more passionate moans. Harder nips.

Kaoru screeched as Hikaru's travels took him below Kaoru's navel. The wet heat that encased him was unbearable.

He noticed the tapping of fingers against his lips, taking no time to think he drew them into his mouth. As he sucked gently he heard a moan, its vibrations reverberating throughout his body.

-.-

_I want to take you so bad I can barely restrain myself. This time it is not because I need to cause someone pain. I don't have any pain of my own to release. It is all because of the passion. The lust. That god damned moan._

_The sweat sheeting your body as you writhe beneath me._

_-.-_

Kaoru knew what was to come as the fingers were pulled from his mouth. And it excited him to the point Kaoru almost didn't even notice the intrusion.

The slow stretching and the lazy way Hikaru brushed over Kaoru's nerves made him beg for more. Something to bring it closer to completion.

When Kaoru began thrusting back, Hikaru knew there was no longer need to wait any longer.

-.-

_Beautiful._

_-.-_

Hikaru drove in inch by inch, groans breathed upon Kaoru's neck. Fully seated, he drew out slightly before thrusting back in, stomach clenching at the sounds coming from the young man below him.

He kept his pace even as he bent down to capture a dusky nipple between his lips, darting his tongue out to lick the hardening nub.

Their hands were once again entwined together as their bodies moved in time with each other.

Kaoru arched off the bed as he reached completion, forcing their mouths together in a time stopping kiss.

They both collapsed down upon the bed, breathing erratic.

-.-

_The need to speed up was reaching breaking point. But I wouldn't. That would be too much like our first time together._

_This is our new beginning. I won't have any mistakes of our last attempt re-cur this time round._

_We will be happy this time. Because this time I know what you mean to me. This time we can be open with each other._

_This time love is nothing to fear._

_It is what will save us._

_-.-_

Hikaru rolled over, pulling Kaoru so that he was half lying on him. Holding him tightly he kissed every inch of Kaoru's face.

"Beautiful."

**

* * *

**

**A/N**

Well that's it. Finite. How did it turn out? That was my first attempt at a yaoi lemon. I love reading them, but have never tried my hand at writing one. How'd it turn out? I tried to make it flow with the story so far but I'm not sure if I succeeded. It doesn't feel quite right with me, but I can't pin point what is wrong. Oh well. Feed back as always is welcome. Sorry it took a bit to get up. I know I said week, but I got a block and just ignored it for a while. But it is finally done. WHOOOT WHOOT! Hopefully I'll see you in some of my other stories.

Bubi

_Second Storey Stairwell_

**A/N**


End file.
